Getting preeeetty tired of licking wounds. Another day or two of the same regimen and we could set our sights on becoming the rulers of womenfolk, if you know what I mean. Eh? EH!?
Bah! Forget it…
It’s time to go back. I volunteered to be the scout this time. No more disorganized mob of scribes clumsily walking about. It’s Soldier Time!
And yet again, none in the group questions my bravery in walking a path ALREADY cleared by our own damn selves not an hour ago. Mages. So smart in the Art, yet so clueless in oh so many other areas… I feel like Brave Sir Robin with these scribes sometimes.
Our venture back to the mansion was uneventful, thanks to my great scouting skills, and we quickly start to explore the rooms around where our previous battle took place. It didn’t take long before we were attacked by those giant spiders, hidden in the pantry. We dispatch them easily though. In fact, so easily that “overkill” would be an understatement, as the spider guts on my face can testify.
After clearing the area, our group decides to clear the outer courtyard.
Why, you ask? Well, considering our Kill to Oh-My-Gods-We’re-All-Going-To-Die! ratio, we figured securing multiple retreat options would be advantageous to our group, allowing us to flee in panic whenever AND wherever we wanted! Turns out Chaos takes a lot of planning, ironically enough.
I resume my role as the party’s scout and I quickly find out that there’s a giant centipede chilling out in the empty pool. Again, we fare well against it, to my great surprise. Time to explore the manor!
I stealthily enter the complex and take a look around. I smell death on my right, which doesn’t bode well, but our attention (yes… some in our group entered before I gave the all-clear… AGAIN) is turned towards the statue, that talks, raving about a lack of visitors in a girly, pouting way (you know the kind, gentlemen: the ones who sound dumb, childish and conceited, but whose beauty makes it worth the hours of suicidal thoughts required for the courting process).
The statue’s tantrum awoke flying heads from their slumber, who comes at us in a swarm. Most of them go outside to attack the core of our group though. FINALLY a little luck come my way! The fight that ensues is suddenly interrupted by a big WOOSH sound. I smell burning hair for some reason. Too much friction from getting head? Ha!
We dispatch the heads without too much trouble and are left with the statue (along with burned eyebrows for the victims of Eydan’s Burning Hands spell outside), who wants news of the outside world, having been isolated for centuries in this ruin. She even wants to cure us of our ills by gathering us together to perform a healing spell. Ha! Like we’re too stupid to figure it’s a trap!
A lot of us are stupid, it seems.
Of course, the statue turns out to be some sand spirit or something to that effect (I really SHOULD pay attention to our monster lore studies) and another fight starts! The being seems to have an aura of sleep around it, as the face-plant of Hasdrubal, followed with light snoring, seems to indicate.
But no matter, Hasdrubal wakes up in time to knock the bitch out with one mean gauntleted hook! Yay, Hasdy!
While Rhea is busy dusting off the remains of the pouting “statue”, a bunch of skeletons are awoken from their eternal slumber near the main gate (dead defending their lord’s life I’d wager), and the fight continues, but my mind is drawn to something shiny near a corner. Yes! A ring! Looks… precious, too!
Since no threats are near me, I quickly pick it up before returning to battle, but upon touching the ring, it triggers a haunting scene about lovers from a distant past, having a conversation about a re-engagement. I still can’t decide what was more eery between the haunting or the poor guy’s awkward flirting.
While occupied with the new threat, nobody saw the “statue” reforming behind us. The bitch was faking it (never seen THAT before. Ha!)! Rhea barely turned around before getting knocked the HELL out. Fortunately, a well-placed snowball to the face by yours truly turned it into future cat litter for good this time.
I should point out the great success my balls and Eydan’s cold shafts are having in this endeavor of ours. Hehehehe
Speaking of sexual innuendos, you won’t believe what happened next: the fight drew the attention of gargoyles from the upper levels, who came down the stairs to join the fray. Gargoyles attack in weird ways it seems, because one of them kissed Orfée like a dwarf does its tankard! The scene was surreal, to be honest.
One thing’s for sure though. When Orfée gets over this trauma, I’ll be having fun waking her up with illusions of that episode in the not-so-distant future!
We are getting our asses kicked right now. In fact, I’m starting to think this one’s our final moments in life. We are all going to die here.
Eydan to the rescue! His mastery of deadly magic saved our hides once again with his flaming sphere! I owe that lad a beer, that’s for sure!
Gasping for breath and wincing at our various wounds, we look at each other, certain that the place is FINALLY free of stuff trying to end our existence. But Lady Luck is not on our side (Maybe Hasdrubal slept with her sister and never wrote her back? Or maybe Mavrikos gave her a morality lecture once in the past?), as three other gargoyles, one of which bigger than the others, comes down the steps. As we brace ourselves for an all-out retreat, the head of the floating heads offers us a truce: leave the villa now in safety or die a horrible death at their hands (or mouths?).
(Great quip from Rhea there, calling the foul creature the “Head of the house”)
We choose the option of living/leaving and quickly made our way outside to plan our next move.
What we lack in brawn and battle acumen, we sure make up in cleverness. The floating head said nothing about what’s OUTSIDE the villa! And there’s a crypt right there! Yay for bureaucratic loopholes!
Even in our state, we believe we can face a few more monsters before calling it a day and boldly enter the crypt.
We get attacked by glue creatures, one of them even attaching itself to me in a sticky embrace. I managed to unstick myself before Hasdrubal cut off its hand.
Kinda disappointed at Hasdy for not having quipped “Hand’s off my friend!” though, but I’ll work on sharpening his tongue later.
Aaaand of course, yet again, we faced hardships against pitiful opponents, this time in the form of mummified cats. We simply do not have the magical means at our disposal to deal with swarms of little critters.
Turns out Hasdrubal is quite unlucky at fighting magic that affects the mind. First by sleeping on the job and now by succumbing to the suggestive whispers of the invisible head-of heads, who followed us into the crypt and asked Hasdrubal to kill Rhea, which Hasdy complied with near-fatal efficiency…
We survived! We were able to dispatch the Army of Purrs with holy water and Eydan’s magic powers.
Rhea ran away to the Academy, accidently bringing with her the “Head of the House”, who was following close behind. I pity its existence at the hands of our masters.
I don’t know about the others, but I plan on getting drunker than yesterday this time. Being always this close to death sure gives me thirst!