Campaign of the Month: November 2018

The Red Hand

The Second Litany of the Mewling Quims

Hulio the Fair kept strumming his lute, building up the excitement from the crowd. Another inn at the outskirt of civilization, excited that the legendary Hulio would deign to grace them with his presence, He that would be laughed off the stage in any city big enough to appear on a map. But he didn’t complain, for he had found his niche: the hamlets and outposts, far removed from civilized society, where the populace, hungry for any change in their mundane lives, would worship the mediocre talents of a failed bard. The farmers’ wives would throw themselves at him when their husbands would fall to the floor in a drunken stupor. The pay wasn’t great, though the free lodging, food and the soft caress of a woman was more than enough for him to live a comfortable, content life.
And the fact that his patron, a great, mysterious mage with a wicked smile, would compose most of his songs for him was an even greater boon to him, leaving him free of the stress of the artistic mind.

And thus Hulio started his second Litany of the Mewling Quims.

Our heroes of Whadi came back to their lairs
To report all their heroic affairs

Bloodied from their fights
With the Priest of the blights
Their courage attaining new untold heights!

But their journey was far from over
No time to be hungover
For their masters sent them to find her

Who’s ‘her’ you may be wondering
Rhialla, her senses lacking
For she chose the road of boot licking

Also a master’s precious thing
That also needed some saving
Unknown name for Samir wasn’t listening

Soon Hasdrubal’s Mewling Quims
Were sent to the outer rims
On a world that looked pretty grim

The world’s magic near gone
Their bodies could not be counted on
So they used a vessel as pawn

They soon met with Mavrikos
That Paladin of Mighty Phos
Who never lacked in virtuous mottoes

So the Quims were just glad
To see him they thought he was rad
Until he mentioned Rhialla just went nomad

Now the scribes came together
To decide as to which tether
Needed first to be cut altogether?

Bored to tears our good Samir
Left the door in the rear
In search of another beer

He came back with some horses
Stolen from some type of armed forces
By his vessel’s criminal sources

The decision was made
To Go to Rhialla’s aid
For she had the teleport grenade

Turns out that bitch was a shrewd
Ambitious cunt with a mood
And told the Quims they were surely screwed

With no way out of this world
Our heroes’ hopes were to be hurled
Their minds and hopes just simply whorled

But the Quims sensed her great weakness
For they baited her ambition sickness
And bartered the grenade for some mysterious secrets

For a dwarf living there had found
A magic library hidden underground
Surely Rhialla’s thirst would make her come around

Sure enough she agreed
To make the exchange out of greed
The Mewling Quims had now a way to succeed

Now off to save What-chu-ma-call-it
In the palace they’d need to hit
Well-guarded by an army of bigots

They sought out the guards cook
To help poison what they took
Which cleared the way for a quick look

They found the princess in her room
With her sister in gloom
Too stupid to see their impending doom

The Quims had to drag them gently
To the secret library
The two dolts rambling about some ‘Hail Mary’

Once there The Quims barricaded
The door for they were raided
By the guards that if defeated would be downgraded

Ritual just completed the princess went away
But the Mewling Quims’ vessel needed to stay
So they joined Hasdrubal to the fray

Just to piss off the traitor
Samir alighted the library with fire
While Orfée scrambled for water

All fought to the end theirs deaths
Not their last breaths
For their souls came back to their true selves

Hasdrubal their great leader died last
Having fought through a blast
Of bullets, mortars and all that sass

Now Hasdrubal Thesh is his name
Of the Mewling Quims fame
Make sure to your neighbours his name you proclaim!


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