The Red Hand

Samir's Adventure log - Part 2.

What a morning we’ve had! What with the stingings, and the bitings, the trap triggerings and the humiliation-by-dolls…

We’ve come to the conclusion that some extra healing is in order, so a delegation was sent to the market to sell some of our loot and acquire healing apparatus. I’ve decided to stay in the crypt and work on my trap-finding “skills” on the unopened door we still have. I’m still flustered over my lack of positive results so far.


Nothing found! Dare I open it…?

Ha! Like I wasn’t gonna! “He who hesitates, masturbates” as the saying goes. Who am I to go against folk wisdom?


Damn that meddling Rhialla! She was spying on me the whole time and intervened the moment I pushed those doors open!

How am I to sneak peeks and poke around with her and that addled brain Nasah in the vicinity? They dragged me away from the door and I spent the remainder of the time in deep “conversation” with Nasah over a bandaged dead cat. That lad is so fascinated with dead critters (or anything dead for that matter) that I suspect he has a stash of Goblin Mushrooms on his person. I shall have a talk with him about the virtues of sharing in the near future. Humpf!

So I decided to be a gentleman and suffered through an ad hoc presentation on embalming while using my acting skills to look interested. I might have to work on that, too.

Curses! What is taking those hagglers so long? Oh. Mavrikos is with them…

Maybe it’s for the best I didn’t go scout ahead after all. I think I saw blood in my urine and I’m still a little weak from all that poison I unwillingly “consumed” previously.


They’re back! Finally!

Before we go on, I wait in line to get some healing from that nice Orfée broad with the wandering hands. Some seem bothered by her constant touching, but for my part I don’t get the same weird feeling I used to get while with uncle Savir back in the day, which is nice.

And off we go!


My master will be proud! I opened a door, saw some big-ass bugs in them, and turned around!

Yay for recently acquired Entomophobia!


Another trapless door and a room containing a sarcophagus lies ahead. Screw looking for traps this time! Good ol’ Samir will save the day and jump STRAIGHT on that coffin to prevent a scary mummy from coming out!

And to think all my teachers frowned upon viewing my extracurricular reading lists back in the days!

“Sir Vagi’sil and the curse of the Pharaoh” prepared me for this!

You should have seen the acrobatics I performed to land on the lid! If we survive this I shall spin a tale so grand my name will be on everyone’s lips, just like Vagi’sil!


Of all the…!

Guess where the trap was?! I’ve done goofed this time. I’ve endangered the life of all my teammates with my brashness. The doors closed the moment I did my circus act and lightning bolts are flying around the sarcophagus. Oh, and the room is slowly filling up with water…

While I’m tap-dancing on the lid, trying to avoid spiked hair, I quickly looked around, anticipating disappointment or resentfulness from the other scribes. To my relief, they didn’t seem to care. I guess having caught the brunt of all the OTHER traps gave me a few points in my favor. Thank the gods for small favors.

Wait! The lid is trying to lift! Something’s inside!

I KNEW it!


Not the least bit surprised by that mummy being there (Ha!), I quickly called for help to keep the mummy inside. Eydan jumped into the fray and we rodeoed together for a few short breaths until we were unseated by the brutal strength of that cursed mummy. I quickly jumped away and moved near Hasdrubal, who was frantically (and successfully!) chipping away at the barred door.


Well that’s a weird-acting mummy. I’ve never read about one who used the sarcophagus as an armor, trying to clamp on fingers with the lid. I guess it’s a smart strategy defence-wise…


I’m inside the sarcophagus (don’t ask). No mummy there. For now I guess, unless I get out. Thankfully, Hasdrubal cleaved the Mimic with skill, barely chopping my head off in the process.

Waiddaminute… does he know about the graffiti and tried to kill me??!!!

Oh well, I’ll figure it out when (IF) I come out. I’ll keep an eye on that one.


We survived! I survived!

And more easily than against the previous bugs we’ve encountered. Weird…


Ok, Mavrikos has a good point: No mummy found yet, which means there’s a secret door somewhere.

After some searching, we’ve found the general’s secret stash.

We’ve also found ANOTHER secret door… and of course, a SWARM of bugs…

I HATE Bugs!


Another fight we pulled through! I’d celebrate, but the overwhelming smell of vomit in the room acts as a deterrent. These filthy bugs made everyone sick, except me and maybe another, I’m not sure.

I can see a room with ANOTHER sarcophagus inside! We’re nearing the end of this bug-infested shithole!

There can’t be two similar traps in the same complex I’m sure! Time to do a repeat my previous performance!

Oh look, snakes! Made of metal…

Damnit.


After a brief fight with Iron Cobras, we finally get to loot the good stuff! AND, our masters arranged for room and board to the Tooth and Hooker! All. Expenses. PAID!!!!

Guess who’ll be wrestling the sheets tonight with three or four lovely lasses!


Oh… Tooth and HOOKAH…


Hasdrubal praised the size of my proverbial testicles. In front of everyone! I’m sure glad he didn’t try to kill me back in the crypt. I am thus indebted to him for my life. He’s not a bad fellow after all.
He even offered to buy my drinks for the evening. I smell a burgeoning friendship with him.


I like Hasdrubal’s style. Offers to pay for drinks. Zero money on him. We’re like brothers separated at birth!


Oh crap, the phallus mark on his head gear!

I’ll have to remedy this somehow.


Let the festivities begin!

There’s an awesome crowd in the common area. Other parties are also lodging in the Tooth and HOOKAH (…) and the mood is quite positive.

Time for some socializing.

Started a conversation with a cleric named Falto. The leader of the Crypt Finders spun a grand tale of treasures and dangers on their first outing into an old brewery. They even fought a mummy and survived.

I quickly smelled a turd in his so-called “exploits”. Why the hell would there be mummies in a brewery? I’m pretty sure they didn’t laid to rest the town drunks in there.


While smiling and nodding (between sighs) at Falto’s tales, I saw that Orfée and Rhialla were busy flirting with a drunk Halfling and having a good time. Good on them! I’ll be sure to bring up this anecdote to Theofyr next time I see him. I’m sure he’ll be glad knowing that half-men are successful in love, too.


My newfound friend Hasdy invited me over to his table and introduced me to the lovely leader of the group of rogues we briefly met on our way to the general’s crypt this morning. Despite losing members, they seemed willing to talk and have a good time. They apparently landed right in the middle of a clan battle.

A GHOUL clan battle. I somehow kept my curiosity in check at the novelty of Ghoul gangs prowling the street, on the lookout for trouble or rival gangs. Pressing her with details seemed inappropriate in light of their losses in the event.

It sure kept my imagination going though. How were they called? Surely something sinister, like the “Brain Eaters” or the “Bone Marrows”. There’s a small part of me that wish that there’s a tale between two houses feuding over the honor of a further-spoiled (ha!) princess by a member of the Shrivelled Nuts clan or something. THAT story would sell more books I’m sure.


Hasdrubal iz AWESHOME! Heej now danzing on a ta*hic* tabul to the enjoiychment of all!

Time to rem*hic* remove the graffiti on his headjeer…


Cant hic can’t perform that dishpell shpell right meow… I’ll have to modify HIC modify the phallus to not be a phal hic phal hic a dick.


Ow. My head hurts SO much. What the hell happened last night? Oh well, time to study for another day of looting. I’ll refrain from learning any shenanigan spells this time.


Why the hell is there a butterfly with a huge nose on Hasdrubal’s head gear now…?

Comments

LOL!

I’m buying Samir’s biography when it will hit the shelves.

Note: Nasah’s a dude but I hear a lot of people make that mistake. :D

Samir's Adventure log - Part 2.
 

Oh… will change

Samir's Adventure log - Part 2.
 

I don’t normally read two log entries by the same dude in the same day, but when I do, they’re funny as balls.

Samir's Adventure log - Part 2.
 

Hope the DM allows for a little creative liberty!

Samir's Adventure log - Part 2.
Cardinalis SebDano

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