Campaign of the Month: November 2018

The Red Hand

Samir's Adventure Log - Dream on! - Part 1

“More grapes, Samir?” she murmurs, nibbling at my ear.
“Of course, Sweets” as I open my mouth to be fed by that gorgeous creature I had a fling with back in Whadi; the sister with the hair-limbs.
“So tell me, what would you fear losing most in your life?”
“Huh? That’s not sexy thoughts… Me want sexy thoughts! A narrative to make even Mavrikos melt with desire! And you know Mavrikos, yes? He’s…”
“Soon, love. But my curiosity must be satiated” she purrs, her hand slowly rubbing my chest.
“Well, impotence would be a major ‘downer’, if you know what I mean” I lightly reply, making my trademarked eyebrows ‘move’, my ever-present grin growing wider.
“Don’t be silly!”
“Ok, so I guess I’d go with my trusty undead ring here. It saved my ass countless times, and stabbing myself while laughing and running around naked to make the Academy students sick makes it my most prized possession” I lazily reply, popping a grape into my mouth.
“Samir, this is serious”
“Eh? But I am serious, Mindy”
“My names’ not Mindy”
“Really? Huh. Ok fine, by ‘most important’ I’m sure you mean something like the rest of the scribes would say, some deep philosophical concept or something to do with that holy morality of some ethical ethics of morals thingy?”
“Errr, something like that I suppose”
“Well, if I had to pick something that’s not more important than the ‘trivial’ present that I actually DO think is more important, I’d have to go with my freedom”
“Interesting” she murmurs, to herself.
“Yeah, sure. I found that out when it was removed from me by that damned Academy. Indentured to a bunch of scheming scribes! Pah! When I become powerful enough I’ll own the world’s largest information market that will make kingdoms fall, should I ever wish to meddle for fun. And I’ll know things that will make the Academy loosen its leash on me so much as to make my ‘servitude’ irrelevant, in name only. You just watch me, sweet cheeks!” I vehemently rant, surprised at my own seriousness.
The sister smiles, triumphantly, reaching to her face, her nails digging through the skin. “That will do” she says, her smile growing darker.
“I’ve made plans, you know! There’ll be golems that will roam my inn as security measures”
“Samir, look at me”
“…of course, they’ll be dressed as flamboyant whores, painted faces and all…”
“Samir?”
“…and you know why? Because NOBODY would risk getting killed, or worse, beat up, by ‘constructs of the night’, if you know what I mean…”
“Samir… I’m trying to show you something”
“…they keep writing me off as this mad fool, but there’s a method to my madness you see, the absurd stumps the self-righteous, for they foolishly imagine scenarios of reactions to their epic moves and whatnot. Really silly puppets the lot of them I say”
“SAMIR! Look upon me!” the voice, enraged, guttural, snaps me out of my mental masturbation session.
“Eh?”
As I gaze upon my inconsequential lover, I see her dig deep into her face with clawed hands, ripping it off completely. I now look upon this horrible creature with blue skin and tangled white hair, rising up to tower above me.
“I name my price!” the creature shrieks, pointing a bony finger towards me

..

I wake up with a yelp, cold with sweat. “Holy shit! I nearly shagged a hag!” I say, incredulous. “Hehehhee… ‘shagged a hag’. I’ll make sure to tell the bard to add this to one of his Whadi songs”.
As I sit up, I look upon my trousers, now adorned with a generous wet spot. “Well, guess I shagged it after all… Oh well, it’s not like I won’t do worse one day” I muse to myself.
I look up and lock stares with Hasdrubal, looking at me like he’s having a stroke. You know, the face they make before kicking the bucket? “Hey Hasdy. My turn for the watch? No? Awesome, g’night, mate!” I lay back down and close my eyes. Ever the optimist, I’m simply happy I didn’t shit myself like all those times I did, trying to find a loophole about those pesky gremlins inside our heads.

..

So our journey is uneventful for the first week or so, aside from Orfée who woke up one night, screaming her heart out. (shrug) Probably broke a nail or something.
Rhea is adamant that we continue our journey to see Babagava without sleeping and under the Keep Watch spell. I don’t ask questions and spend the extra waking hours practicing on my ranged legerdemain skills.

..

We come upon a small hill overlooking a river. Across from it, we finally get to see small herds of dinosaurs roaming about. Those are big ass creatures!
As we make out way to the clearing, we see a wounded dinosaur, running away from something. Instead of passing us by, it goes directly to Mavrikos for some reason. However, there is some kind of symbol on the creature, shining with light. From Mavrikos’ reaction, I’m guessing this symbol is from his godling, Phosphorus or something like that.
We feel the earth shaking a little. Something BIG is coming. Oh, it’s Samir Time!

..

I quickly cast an illusion of Mavrikos’ new friend and put it directly between us and whatever wants to eat it in order to buy us some time.

..

And it’s a success! Soon after that an enormous T-Rex crashes into view, hungry for its prey and pouncing into my illusion, affording our group more time to deploy and hurt it.
The fight is on!

..

Hasdy is becoming quite the warrior. Aside from Rhea and Nasah’s light scores on the creature (and my missed mudball spell to blind the creature…), Hasdrubal took care of this huge monster quite easily. He first ripped its lower jaw, thus freeing Mavrikos from its maw, intent of killing the beast with holy food poisoning or something. Then, as it tried to flee in humiliation, he completed his job by ripping the whole lower jaw and slicing its aorta clean through! It was majestic!
Here was Hasdrubal, covered in blood from head to toe, making his little victory dance. I would definitely pickpocket a ticket to see that again in an arena, that’s for sure!

..

The creature slain, we take a moment to collect our thoughts. Well, THEY take a moment to collect their thoughts. I, the scrounger of our company, am too busy slicing away to get that the stomach, as I’m sure the monster ate a few stupid adventurers.

..

Gold! Bull’s eye! Akunamatata! I’ve found treasure!
Of course, the cool stuff (scrolls and wands) are too damaged by acid to be useful anymore, but I found more than enough gold to be worth it!

..

The gods hate me! My boots of Plan B are destroyed by the stomach acid! I’m cursed to end up “flush”, am I?

..

We finally arrive at our destination, guided by a hillbilly bullywug. A hillbullywug, if you will. Ah, clever me!

..

So it turns out that the hag in our dream is actually Babagava. And she’s no common hag, too! She’s a DREAM hag, with powers of stealing dreams and destroying minds and whatnot.
Still ugly as a troll, but that power… hmmm…

..

Rhea takes charge of the negotiation for the return of that ‘thing’. It turns out that the thing we named in our dream will be the price we will each have to pay in order to get the item.
For some reason, Rhea paid my portion instead of me, which is nice of her. The paranoid shut-in is even bargaining to pay the price of others in our group, too! Surprising, as I thought I was annoying her more than anything else with my antics. I owe her big time I suppose…

..

As the negotiations stretch, I soon grow tired of pestering Hasdy on who he was doing the naughty with in his dream with the hag (I bet it’s that master of his) and I start exploring my own options.
The seed of an idea slowly forms in my genius of a brain: since I want to be a broker of information and intrigue, such an ally would sure make me take a huge step towards my goal, so what if… what if I seduced this powerful creature? She’s not THAT ugly, if you close your eyes that is.
Fuck it, I’m going for it! Teehee.

..

Nooo idea if it worked or not. I just woke up, sprawled on the ground, and nobody wants to answer if I scored or not. Frustrating, really.

..

So the thingamabob is inside a dream bubble, in a dream plane. And Babagava simply dropped it somewhere in there. Guess we’ll have to go fetch it ourselves.
Something’s weird in our group though. Many cast suspicious looks at Mavrikos, and Mavrikos seems to have inserted a bigger stick up his ass, too. What the hell did I miss? Seriously, I missed something here. Hope it was when I was passed out so I’d have a good excuse to be in the dark. Huh…

..

So we a brought to hammocks in Babagava’s shed and put to sleep. Off we goo!!

..

We arrive at this weird-looking carnival, big tent and all. There are four Tengus present, bullying this poor caricature of a chef, asking for gossip. Orfée, ever the soft-hearted, approaches them, then enters into a shopping stall for some reason. She entreats them to appeal to their good hearts and stop hurting that poor Chef that looks so much exaggerated that I’d be willing to bet that he’d live at the corner of, say, a Sesame Street and another random name of a street, like Swedish. Of course, this only serves to draw their attention to herself and she soon receives a few pecks of her own.
A battle has started.

..

Again, my skills with illusions helped my compadres. They wanted gossip and were ready to bully the weak for it? Then how would they react if a fucking Ettin would appear to them, asking THEM for gossip?
Didn’t work as good as I wanted, but I still managed to draw two of them little bastards towards MY bully, which helped the others take care of the isolated Tengus.
I’ve also immolated one of them, so I have that going on for me, which is great.

..

Fight is over! We won! And none of us are badly injured! Now to talk to that Chef… Børk

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